Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
