Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
