We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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