Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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