that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
