yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
