its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
