We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
