I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
