I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
