My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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