She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
