can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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