WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm like, not good at living.
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