i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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