How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
