hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
