I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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