in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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