sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
