Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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