Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
