My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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