There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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