so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
