The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is Oprah even human
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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