I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
