Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
