D3 body, D1 cock
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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