I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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