I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
