so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize