Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
