My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
