All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Randomize
