I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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