I just saw a hot homeless man
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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