i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
