Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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