Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
