I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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