Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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