I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
