Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
