So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
