it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
