I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
