she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
