Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
