I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
