So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Pooping to opera.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
