he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
