paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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