Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
