sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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