Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
