he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
