Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
