Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
