I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
