Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This baby is an asshole
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
