"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sponge bath it is.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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