just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
